Video 12 Jul

So last night was my first karaoke night singing without smoking. I had been smoking on and off socially for more than ten years, with the last couple of months being particularly heavy (a pack almost every other day). That part was more stress smoking but we won’t go into that. 

I’ve heard people talk about the benefits of quitting smoking and how you’ll start noticing quirks after a couple of weeks. The one thing I noticed immediately after a couple of days was all of a sudden I had all this anxious energy that I couldn’t dampen with a nicotine fix. Some honest to goodness leg thumping under the table energy which seem to come out of nowhere. Is it anxiety from wanting to smoke? Or was this energy always there and I had been too complacent with my smoking to notice it? I’ve a good friend who believes in the energy that people radiate and give to one another: I would wonder how mine would look to her now.

  Last night was the outlet I needed; I sang but two songs. The first was a King’s of Leon song by the tune of The Bucket, which was okay sounding, but it was just a warm up exercise. By the end of that song I knew I was going to need to pour myself into another song and make it count or else I knew I’ll never shake the monkey off my back.

  So this song came to me, as well as a whole mess of other memories, emotions, and gut feelings. I knew, when I took the mic from Becca , that I was going to start moving to this song with both hands gripping the mic. I was certain that I was going to put it all out there and leave it on the floor with all my doubts and regrets about my ugly habit. Damn near half the bar joined me in belting it out which lent something to the night to make it memorable.

This is how I know that I’ll never fully give in to smoking…

Nothing I’ll ever smoke or inhale will feel better than what I felt last night and every other night that I”m singing.


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